I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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