Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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