I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
