She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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