i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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