I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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