When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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