She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My penis needs a shock collar
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
