Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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