dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
