I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
