I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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