i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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