My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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