I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
