oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
