I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
