i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
