Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
