she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
