He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
