Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
