I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
