i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You pole danced in your parka.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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