I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
