Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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