my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
