Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
