What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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