Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
