I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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