Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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