My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
