if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
