I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
