Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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