Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
