if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
