So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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