Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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