there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
