Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
