I didn't shave. On purpose
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
