apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
