i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We need to get me chipped asap
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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