I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
