I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
