I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
