you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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