You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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