I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
