I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
