My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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