Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
