i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
